I did a mistake 2 and half years ago?

i cheated my guy 2 n half years ago (i used to meet another guy when i was in relation with him, and was some what physically related to him, not , no pants off)... i very soon realized my mistake and since then, i am doing each and every thing possible to get him back...i try to impress him always, i listen to whatever he says, even when he has a doubt on me, i try to prove it even if i am not wrong, for eg. if i am out with my mom, he wants to hear hers voice so that he can believe me, and i do that for him. But he always fights with me, doubts on me, when i am angry he doesn't even care to cool me down. he never loves me and talks rudely. He becomes happy only when i satisfy him, but when we are not doing anything he never has any thing to speak to me, he is almost all the time angry...just for him, i don't talk to any boys in my college unless and until i have any work. i have lost my friends because i gave importance only to him. And i am doing all this without any commitment from his side. i want him back very badly but i am dieing each and every day because he dominates me all the time and shouts at me. I know he loves me a lot then why he hurts me all the time? is he doing all this purposely or he is fed up of me?